Musings: One Month Out

Four weeks and it will be finals week. However, more importantly, in five weeks it will be summer. As I contemplate all my life choices that have led me here, I wonder. What is confidence?

I remember going into the career counselor’s offices last semester about one month before my first law school final. We met to discuss career options. I told my counselor that I really liked my contracts class, but didn’t have a good enough GPA or class ranking to pursue a big law firm that handles business law. She responds, “But, you haven’t even taken a final.” I guess I do have to actually take the exam before I fail it. Right?

If you have any similar insecurity or just want a reason to feel better than me, let us walk through my extremely healthy thoughts.

Do you understand confidence? I do not. The way people show confidence just seems like arrogance. Maybe I look for or listen to the wrong people or things, but I don’t want to be that. For me, confidence means having the capability to make a mistake and know that everything will turn out alright. Confidence is not infallibility. I never want to become so confident that it becomes a flaw. I have enough of those as is. But, sometimes I wonder if we emphasize our flaws a little too much.

Of course, I firmly support modesty, humbleness, and constructive criticism. Please, don’t get me wrong. However, I’m concerned that we all let our wondering and worrying get too far ahead of us. Usually, I reconcile this by thinking that I’m just being creative, investing in a little healthy daydreaming and constructive criticism of my potential future.

Looking a little closer, I wonder. Is it really creativity? Or is it just obsessiveness? Obsessiveness over my own flaws and insecurities? Let’s invest a little more in our confidence, instead of our insecurities. Next time some one gives you a compliment, I dare you to only say thank you without any excuses, justifications, or explanations.

Someone once told me that a person without confidence is like a plane without gasoline. Both have all the potential to reach the end, but no means of getting there. So, give yourself the chance to fly. R.Kelly would be so proud.

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